SETTLE FOR HAPPINESS

I am amazed by the amount of people who, if my intuition is correct, sell themselves short and settle. Settle for less than they deserve. Settle for less than fulfilled. Settle for less than happy. People don’t seem to value happiness. Or perhaps they don’t realise that happiness is a real thing that people actually have. Not to mention deserve. Recently I’ve been listening people talk about happiness in terms of the degree of it in their romantic relationships. However, once on my mind, I noticed that the perception of achievable happiness is extremely low in all aspects of people’s lives… relationships (romantic or otherwise), jobs, living arrangements, services, the list goes on. Maybe I’m just narcissistic. A friend of mine once asked me if I was diagnosed with a personality disorder, what would it be? When I said I wasn’t sure, she said that without question I would have narcissism. Perhaps! Given my recent observations I’m thinking that a little more narcissism wouldn’t go astray for a lot of people. Hearing comments like ‘maybe we’re just in a rut and things will get better,’ makes me think, really? This rut has been going for over a year… I’m not sure it’s a rut. Speaking about a long-term boyfriend, a friend of mine once said, ‘We’re happy about 50% of time.’ 50%! Seriously? That’s no way to live! Don’t get me wrong; life is hard. Sometimes it’s so hard you really do question how much more you can take. I have had my fair share of hard times. I know what it’s like to have exhaustion take to you to the brink. But even in those moments, I’m happy with my life. Truly happy. Completely fulfilled. And in those moments I’m most definitely happy with my husband.

Some people seem to think that I exaggerate my satisfaction with my husband. I don’t.  Unmistakably, we have our moments! For example, he arrived home to me and the four kids this afternoon and actually said out loud ‘maybe I should have stayed at work.’ Then we argued about the importance of beige underwear, the value of touch football as a competitive sport, and then after dinner he only took his plate from the table! For the majority of the time these are the trivial things we argue about. Occasionally there are things of substance we don’t see eye-to-eye on. Like whether we can sustain our current lifestyle if I quit my job and start working for myself. Or, whether buying a new house and keeping our current one is a risky decision or a brilliant one… especially if I’m going to quit my job.  More often than not though, we inspire each other to be better in every way; better in our jobs, better parents, and better spouses. Isn’t the purpose of life to be the best person you can be? I can honestly say that when I’m with my husband I’m the best version of myself – more often than not.

Settling is not an option for me. It shouldn’t be an option for anyone. Risks are worth it; especially if they’re likely to make you happier. If you’re not happy in your job – find a new one. While stability is important, happiness trumps it. If your kids’ school isn’t doing their job and being supportive – demand it! If you’re not happy at home – do something about it. And… If you find it can’t be fixed, make the hard decision and leave. Even if there are kids involved; surely kids are better off if their parents are happy? Modelling is usually the best form of teaching – model being happy, model being determined, and model self-respect. Don’t we want to see these things in our children?

Remind yourself that you’re worth it. You deserve to have whatever you want. Whatever you’re happy to work for, make it happen. It’s okay if you have to wait. Sometimes people get lucky, but sometimes the old saying is true; good things come to those who wait. I’ll add that they also come to people who work hard and have half a brain. Luck doesn’t work for everyone.